Letting Go

Being here in Rwanda has made me think a lot about who I am and what might be my “place” in life – what gifts I have and how and where best to use them – a ‘calling’ if you will. I’m thinking ahead to being back in the US in two months and wondering if I am going to be a math teacher in Chicago like I had always assumed/planned, or teach internationally, or maybe one day I will go live in Africa, for example, for longer than just a month or a year. As the options are endless, the future seems a bit daunting to me. I used to think that after I graduated college I’d have a clear sense of where I wanted to go with my life but now I’m realizing how that might never happen, so I’m letting go of my desire to know where I will be in 1 or 5 or 10 years. Why not just focus on the present and the near future and trust God’s guidance in that?

I’ve been thinking about the future because I’m realizing how little time I have left here. In 7 weeks I will be heading to Bujumbura and a few days later I’ll be on an airplane for Pennsylvania. I’m looking forward to being home to see my friends and family but I have been asking myself if I am ready to leave here. I have come to know and love many people here that will be hard to say goodbye to. Letting go of people in my life is hard – I recently lost my grandmother, and soon I might leave my friends in Rwanda forever. Also I wonder if I have really accomplished much of anything here…which is a hard thought to have. I guess I haven’t drastically influenced the way we teach English at MwanaNshuti, greatly improved our director’s report-writing or organization skills, or given the students all the confidence and skills they will need to live a successful life, but maybe I have made some small steps in these places. I hope so.

Perhaps this experience for me is more about learning to let go of my preconceived notions, plans, and control in my life…and let God and others enter in. That is especially relevant here where I am living and co-teaching in a cultural context much different than my own, where I could easily (and sometimes do) get frustrated about the way things happen.

In the moments where I have let go of accomplishing something big and noticeable, or doing things my own way, in my own time, I am often blessed to see God at work.

---My students trying to speak English on their own is somewhat rare and always brings a smile to my face. During our soccer game they tried to learn how to say and respond to: “You played well.” (“You too.” or “Thank you.”)

---I never know what games or activities my students will enjoy and will help them learn English, but last week I found a winner: BINGO. All the students copied the times into different places on their grids (we were studying telling time), I tried to explain how to play and what a bingo is, and I told them to say “I have bingo!” when they had a bingo. I figured we were ready. I read the first time and soon heard about 7 students saying eagerly, “I have bingo!” with bright smiles on their faces. They had found the time I said on their grid somewhere J. I laughed, congratulated them and kept going. This went on for the first 5 times or so, each time the students were excited to show me they had understood what I said and kept telling me they had “bingo”! It was so cute (and coincidentally showed me who was following and who wasn’t). Eventually I had to re-explain that “bingo” meant having a 5 in a row, and we did eventually have some winners.

--I hoped and prayed after our graduation in March that our training program would help the students be able to earn money or improve their life in some way…and one of my students from last year came back two days last week to use the sewing machines because she has found a few clients who want her to sew clothes for them! Way to go Marceline!

Happy Mother's Day

It’s been a bit busy since I’ve come back from Kenya two weeks ago, both at work and outside of work, which means that I have been away from home in the evening many more nights than usual – visiting Rwandan friends, going out to eat with MCCers, even going to a play(!!) produced by the international high school! But even if I’m not spending as much time with my host family, I’m still grateful for their hospitality, warm welcome, and concern - especially from my host mother.

I want to dedicate this blog to mothers and wish my mother and the new “mothers” I have this year a very happy mother’s day. [Mom- Though they could NEVER replace you, there are several women here who love and protect me here!] They have helped me learn the language, patiently bearing with my attempts to speak Kinyarwanda, and explained about the culture here in Rwanda (including that “You look fat!” is the equivalent of “You look good!” and is a compliment for women here). They have looked out for me, including not wanting me to walk alone when it’s dark (even though it isn’t dangerous when it’s early) and always wanting me to eat more food! Sometimes they have even told the teenage boys to leave me alone!! J But most importantly, we have shared with each other what is going on in our lives and some of our struggles or hopes. I appreciate the way these women have not treated me as an outsider or a visitor who is only here for a short time, and rather made an effort to build a relationship with me. I love them.

Last week I went to visit Joyce to help prepare for a very exciting occasion: her husband coming to visit from Canada where he is studying in university. He has been away 3 years but now he is home for a few months with his family – his beautiful wife, 8 year old and 4 year old daughters. Joyce let me come to help make decorations for his arrival – so we covered their living room wall with paper hearts and a welcome home banner! I’m so happy for all of them that he was finally able to come back to Rwanda.

Yesterday I went to visit Julienne and her family – she is a coworker who was recently married and had a baby so she is in the northern province of Rwanda with her husband. Aside from her current maternity leave, she usually stays in Kigali during the week and goes home on the weekend only – wow!  Travel isn’t very expensive here ($3 to go 2 hours outside of the city) but most people can’t afford it, at least not regularly, so I brought Julienne some gifts from her family in Kigali and something to give to another person who lives nearby. I hadn’t seen her for 2 months and hadn’t ever seen her home so I was excited to go. Julienne is a very fun woman and I’m happy she is married and has an adorable two month old baby girl (Pamela) and they have a nice house. I enjoyed seeing her life a bit, catching up, and holding her baby for the majority of the time I was there!! This made her husband ask me if I’m married yet and why not because I should be a mom! Haha. I do love children, that’s true.

I am so thankful for the many wonderful women in my life, both in the US and Rwanda, and their children too! Happy Mother’s Day!!! You are very inspiring to me.

Julienne and baby Pamela - look at all the hair Pamela has! 

Traveling Together

Now I have been to 4 of the 5 countries in the East African Community (Rwanda, Burundi, Uganda and KENYA! …just not Tanzania yet). Last week I attended the Quaker World Conference in Nakuru, Kenya with my entire host family and several of my co-workers (I’m a part of the Evangelical Friends Church here in Rwanda). It was an impressive gathering of some 850 people from across the world from Bolivia to North America to Kenya and other East African countries, to some parts of Asia and Europe. It was good to see people from so many backgrounds coming together to worship and discuss how we can be salt and light in our broken world. There was some tension amongst the different types of Quakers about worship style, theology, etc. but everyone graciously tried out both the quiet worship and the singing/dancing worship. (I should probably add that I’m quite happy being a Mennonite; though luckily the Quakers who found out I am actually Mennonite were accepting!)

It was interesting being at such a diverse conference and being able to understand some of the thoughts and perspectives of Westerners as well as the Rwandans/East Africans. For example, some North Americans were commenting about the accommodations (cold water, toilets) and saying how hard it is to see or hear about people facing such hardship in their lives as the people ‘here in Kenya’. As much as I think I have adapted to and grown accustomed to life here, I can still relate to what they were saying. Then there were my Rwandan friends who were confused about having silence during worship (and seemed happy when I told them I enjoy the “loud” church services I attend here in Kigali!). I also really enjoyed seeing how some of the Rwandans enjoyed people watching and hearing their comments of incredulity about certain people’s size, clothes, length of hair, etc. Truly for many of the people at the conference (both Westerners and Africans) it was the first time to see so many people who were different than themselves in culture, dress, worship style, etc. I enjoyed being part of it and feeling at home with multiple perspectives. Overall one of the best parts for me was spending more time getting to know some of the women from the Friends Church in Rwanda better. We spent time talking, singing one night, and several hours playing cards, dice and laughing together.

I was grateful to go to Nairobi with two Friends missionaries living in Kigali (a couple, Brad and Chelsea) for a couple days after the busy and socially-demanding conference. We were able to relax and have some quiet time in the beautiful garden of the Mennonite guesthouse where we stayed, as well as indulge ourselves in one of the many malls in Nairobi. It was almost a cross-cultural experience for us when we entered and found ourselves surrounded by a large variety of stores, escalators and elevators, restaurants and so many things we had almost forgotten about. There was even a cinema! We all agreed that we are happy with our simpler everyday lives here in Rwanda, but nevertheless enjoyed window shopping, eating a sub for lunch, catching a movie (“Hunger Games”!!) and savoring some frozen yogurt with toppings as an afternoon snack – all things that are NOT possible in Rwanda! But to prove that we were still in Africa (and do something else not possible in Rwanda) we went to an elephant orphanage and a giraffe center. So I got to pet a baby elephant, watch elephants get fed from giant bottles, and feed and kiss a giraffe (feeding it a biscuit with my mouth)!  J Wow. It was a quick but enjoyable time in Nairobi.

Yet I am grateful to be back with my students and hopefully will be able to quickly settle into teaching VERY beginners English. I also feel more connected with some people from the church and work who I was with at the conference, which is nice. There’s nothing like a 30-hour bus trip, living together in dorms and traveling to a new country to help with bonding!! I think it’s going to be a great last 2.5 months.

Rwandans at the conference singing and dancing - practicing for our part in the worship

My 2 new friends: (far L) Sylvie from Rwanda and (middle) Mary from India - all the Rwandan women/girls were SO impressed and envious of her long hair!!

Giraffe feeding time! Yay.

This young elephant was SO cute!